30 SouKazu Kisses
by Kay-chan15
Summary: [Soukyuu no Fafner] A theme set of 30 oneshot fics that I'm doing for the livejournal community '30 kisses'. Will be done in no particular order, and added as I do them. All will be SouKazu. Please read the notes for each.
1. The Sound of Waves

Title: The sound of waves  
Pairing: Soushi/Kazuki  
Fandom: Soukyuu no Fafner (aka, Fafner in the Azure: Dead Aggressor)  
Theme: 29. the sound of waves  
Disclaimer: I do not own Soukyuu no Fafner or Soushi or Kazuki. They belong to XEBEC and a bunch of other people who are not me.  
Notes: Taking artistic liberties with the whole 'Oh yes, we've lived on an island right beside the ocean our entire lives and have never listened to shells before' thing. Warning of shortness and sap.

* * *

The Sound of Waves

They were sitting on the warm sand of the beach together, side by side in companionable silence. The waves from the surrounding ocean continued to gently crash against the shore, every once in awhile some of the spray drifting to them on the moderate wind. It was peaceful, and comforting, everything that the island was supposed to stand for. It was almost possible to forget that their friends were being killed and their own lives constantly put in danger. Almost.

There had been an attack the previous day, and while no one had gotten hurt, there had been a couple close calls. Relaxing together like this was a nice change, and it was even just the two of them.

Kazuki looked away from the enthralling beauty of the ocean and happened to spot a large pink-tinted seashell lying nearby. Reaching over, he grabbed it and held it in front of him. Soushi looked over at him and Kazuki answered the unspoken question. "It's a conch. They say you can hear the ocean in it."

Soushi looked pointedly back out to the rolling ocean in front of them. "You can hear the real thing anyway."

Kazuki shrugged and held the shell to his ear, "It's still cool."

He fell silent for a minute, listening to the quiet waves that only he could hear, before exclaiming, "Hey, it works!" He turned to Soushi and held the shell up to his ear. "Here, listen."

Soushi was obediently silent and thoughtful, concentrating on listening. Soon he nodded slowly. "So it does."

He suddenly turned fully towards Kazuki and leaned in to quickly press their lips together, lingering for a moment before pulling away. Kazuki blinked at him. "What was that for?"

"I'd much rather listen to the ocean with you than by myself."


	2. Chains

Title: Chains

Pairing: SouKazu  
Fandom: Soukyuu no Fafner  
Theme: #13 excessive chain  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of it. Nope. Otherwise I would know when the OVA is coming out already, so I wouldn't have to be _dying_ like this. Ahem.  
Notes/Warnings: **SPOILERS** for the entire series. In particular episodes 6 and 23-25. As a nice follow up to my last theme of complete sap, here's some angst for you (of course, a tiny bit of sap _still_ managed to make its way in there...). Yes, I do realize that it is Valentine's Day. Hey, some people hate the day, right? There ya go. Also, focuses on Maya quite a lot, so hope that's okay (never got an answer to the question I asked in the FAQ post...). Big thank you's to bothtenshiforgotten andbloodstain5 for beta-ing!

* * *

Chains

Maya asked Kazuki once why he didn't cry more when Soushi left. He had cried the first time they thought Soushi had been killed and cried in relief when they found out he was still alive after all. He had even cried when Shouko died, if only a little. But the second time Soushi left them the final time he had barely spilled more than a few tears. That she knew about, anyway.

That was when he told her. With utmost surety, not a hint of hesitation present in his voice or body language whatsoever, he said, "That's because Soushi will come back. He promised me."

She bit back the words that rose to the tip of her tongue, threatening to burst out. _Just because you keep your promises doesn't mean that everyone else always does, Kazuki-kun._ _Not everyone is as sweet as you…_

Instead, she just asked, "How long are you going to wait though, Kazuki-kun?"

She didn't say what she was really thinking (_Minashiro-kun's dead! He _can't_ come back!_), or ask what she really wanted to know (_When will you accept that and start letting your heart heal...and move on?)_. She would never say those things if it meant hurting Kazuki.

"Forever," Kazuki answered, not needing even a moment to consider his answer, and her breath caught in her throat at the captivating depth of unfaltering faith that shone in Kazuki's brown eyes as he said it, making them dance and glitter in the light. _Beautiful_, her heart sang, even as she was still thinking, _He really believes that Minashiro-kun will come back That somehow, just because it's Soushi and he promised, he'll be able to escape from even the chains of death._

Were the chains of a promise that much stronger?

It wasn't until a year later, when Soushi finally reappeared and Kazuki ran to him, hugging and kissing him and not caring who saw, that she finally understood.

The chains of a promise tied two people together, and were sometimes, especially when coupled with true love, oh so much stronger than anything else.

It was then that Maya accepted that she had no chance of gaining Kazuki's heart, and it was then that she began to wonder when her own would begin heal and move on instead.


	3. Screaming

Title: Screaming  
Pairing: SouKazu  
Fandom: Soukyuu no Fafner  
Theme: #17 kHz  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of it. Why else would I be writing _fanfics_?  
Notes/Warnings: More angst from me. Takes place sometime in between episodes 23 and 25, so obviously there are **spoilers**. Probably won't make much sense if you haven't seen the end of ep 23, so if anyone wants just a clip of that scene, I have one saved, so just ask and I can send it to you. Big thank you's to both tenshiforgotten and bloodstain5 for betaing!

* * *

Screaming

Kazuki's screams rang in Soushi's ears for hours after he had been abducted by the Festum. Over and over his name repeated, _screamed_ with desperate intensity in Kazuki's familiar baritone. He wasn't even sure if it was ringing in his ears or merely reiterating in his mind, as he sat motionless in the chair that he had become all too comfortable with over the weeks of battles every few days.

It was far from comfortable now though, trapped in it by the green Mir crystals surrounding his entire body. Except for his head. So long as they stayed away from the precious scar, that precious wound that Kazuki had given him and that was such an important part of who he was (because of _Kazuki_), then he could handle it.

He would have to handle it.

For Kazuki, whose entire hopeless need had shown clearly on his face that very day when he cried out his most important word:

"_Soushi!"_

How frantically Soushi had wanted to call to him in return, reach out for him and kiss him fiercely to reassure both of them that it was real.

But the Festum could not understand love, but merely it's opposite: hate. He wondered how this could have happened; was there really so much more hate than love in the world after all?

He closed his eyes, and imagined Kazuki. Kazuki laughing, smiling, saying his name.

"_Soushi!"_

His eyes shot open again as the scream reverberated through his mind once more, and answered it with a whispered call of his own.

"Kazuki."


	4. Reasons

Title: Reasons  
Pairing: SouKazu  
Fandom: Soukyuu no Fafner  
Theme: #16 invincible; unrivaled  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of it. Why else would I be writing fanfics?  
Notes/Warnings: Spoilers for up to...episode 17 maybe? Maybe only up to ep 11 or so. Either way, suppose to take place sometime after episode 17. The one thing in quotations is an actual quote from the subs from episode 1. Both first person and second person (Soushi talking to Kazuki). Big thank you to bloodstain5 for beta-ing.

* * *

Reasons

You asked me once which is more important: you pilots or Fafner.

I answered Fafner.

I know you didn't understand back then. After all, wasn't that why you left the island, to see the world and try to understand my reasoning?

I still don't know if you understand or not now.

Could you ever understand how hard it was for me, making you use Fafner in the first place and then after that, continue using it over and over again in increasingly dangerous situations?

But it was the only way.

That first day I was back, the island was directly attacked by Festum for the first time. Before then, we had always been able to launch Fafner and destroy the enemies before they even reached the island, never having to let the shield down.

That day, we not only lost our Fafner pilot, but the enemy was stronger than usual. If Fafner wasn't launched as soon as possible, the entire island would have been destroyed. And you along with it.

And so I had to ask myself: do I let you die for sure by allowing the island to be destroyed, or do I make you pilot in a dangerous situation where you could still die, but at least have some chance of saving all of us, you included?

When put that way, it's not much of a choice at all, is it?

Why did it have to be Kazuki to pilot it though, someone might ask.

I told you back then, didn't I? "Only you can do it now."

You were the only one physically ready and able to pilot Fafner for the first time at a moment's notice. That first time, you were able to pilot it not only without a Synergetic Suit, but also able to win without being injured. None of the others could have done that, without first having weeks of practice at least. Your instinctual skill was unrivaled.

But I knew it wasn't invincible.

No, there was no one else but you, Kazuki. As much as it pained me to do that to you, I had to send you out into the fray, or we would all be lost. And I knew that that was something you would never forgive me for if I let it happen.

After that, the island was attacked more and more frequently. The others were training hard, but you were still the best, and the only one we could truly rely on. The only one I could truly rely on. Without you out there as well, I didn't feel safe, even as the others continued to improve.

And now that you had begun, you couldn't just stop. You had already been sucked in too far to escape, and it wasn't up to either of us anymore. After that first time of piloting Fafner, you were no longer able to back out, and I still feel guilty even now for not being able to give you more of a choice back then.

Can you ever forgive me, Kazuki?

Or, can you at least try to understand?

Without Fafner, the island is without a doubt lost, and every single person on it will die. I love this place more than life itself, everything about it. It is my home and the things I love the most are all on it. You are on it.

The pilots are necessary to use Fafner. But they are much more easily replaceable than the machines they control. There are dozens more children able to pilot.

If a pilot dies, we have lost one person. If we lose the Fafner, we have lost our protection, and many more than one will die.

In my mind, your question translated to: which is more important, one or many?

And if you had to choose between something like that, as you forced me to, what would you be able to say?

I am sorry for doing these things to you, my love, the first and only one I have ever kissed and the one I always want to be able to come back to. Sometimes I feel like you should hate me for what I've done to you, but I know you would never be capable of something like that. You're too good of a person for such a petty emotion.

I love you Kazuki, and that is why I sent you into danger.


	5. In this dream

Title: In this dream  
Series: Soukyuu no Fafner  
Pairing: SouKazu  
Type: m/m  
Rating: PG? No more than that at least.  
Challenge: Picture challenge for tempsmort. Time taken is 30 minutes.  
Theme: #6 'the space between dreams and reality' for 30kisses  
Disclaimer: Don't own it. Also don't own the picture. Now where's that damn ova already?  
Thank you to bloodstain5for beta-ing. **SPOILERS** if you haven't seen the entire series.

* * *

In this dream

Kazuki dreams of him sometimes, in the eternity between when the first rays of sun begin to light the sky and the time when his alarm clock goes off, the loud ringing jolting him awake as flashbacks of times when a similar alarm would ring all over the island play through his mind.

He'll see Soushi coming home, finally, and such a sense of utter relief and elation will fill him, making him so certain that it's truly real, for once, even though he's had the same dream countless times by now and every time wakes up only to the disappointment of lonely reality. But every time, he thinks: This is it, this time it's real. Soushi's come back, just like he promised.

Sometimes his dreams become nightmares instead. He'll see Soushi floating in some empty black cloud, held up by nothing and yet unable to move, head hanging and body sagging. Blood will be dripping from some unseen wound, until Soushi lifts his head so Kazuki can see the bloody gash across his left eye. Soushi will glare his way, and though he never speaks his one good eye will be communicating plenty: _It's your fault, Kazuki. Your fault, all your fault._

In that nightmare, a scream will always sound at the very end, though he's never sure who it is that actually screams; Soushi or him. Either way, it jolts him awake every time without fail, more often than not leaving him to hurriedly wipe away the tears kissing his face.

He misses Soushi so much these days, and sometimes it's almost to the point of making him doubt Soushi's promise to return. But then he'll catch sight of a picture of his lost friend, or see something that reminds him of long past times spent together, and will once again remind himself firmly that Soushi _promised_, and he _will_ be back. Whether it takes years, or even decades, he will be back.

Kazuki's favorite dream out of any is the one that occurs the least often, and so the times when it actually does are held precious. In it, he will somehow have wings, like an angel. He will be smiling joyfully, as if there are no problems in the vast wide world for once and he can finally be _free_, and soaring straight up into the sky, past the clouds to where it is blue and bright. This scene is what the word 'azure' means to him, and that is the only word he has ever been able to come up with to adequately describe it and the feeling that accompanies it.

The word also works because of more than just the sky around him, in this dream. Flying up and up, he somehow knows he is heading to wherever Soushi is, finally about to bring him back home again, to where he belongs and is missed. Back then, the rescue mission to save Soushi was called 'Azure', and here it is again, though this time in the warm, sunny sky instead of the cold, dark North Pole.

Despite the wings and joy, his eyes are red in this dream, as they are when he pilots Fafner. He doesn't know why this is, but it's more of a curious observation than a real contemplation or worry. He's going to Soushi; why should it matter what color his eyes are?

In this dream, he will continue up and up, higher and higher, never looking down and the eager grin never leaving his face. Then, suddenly, everything will freeze except for him continuing upwards, until, as if watching a square framed television set, he will reach the top of the picture and disappear in a flash of bright white light.

Kazuki always wakes up then, blinking his eyes open and seeing spots as if the light had been real. But even though he doesn't see Soushi in that dream, it leaves him feeling satisfied, for some reason that he's not entirely sure of, and he always looks forward to seeing it again. Maybe a part of him is hoping that, someday, he will finish the dream and reach Soushi, grab his hand and throw him a smile before launching off again and flapping his wings all the way back down to the island.

He never lets himself think that the dream is over as it is.


	6. Good Night

Title: Good Night  
Pairing: SouKazu  
Fandom: Soukyuu no Fafner  
Theme: #24 good night  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of it. Why else would I be writing fanfics?  
Notes/Warnings: Supposed to take place a few years after the end of the series, but there really aren't any spoilers. There might be a few problems with the overall connection to canon (for example, it being a couple years after what has been announced as happening in the ova, and do they even celebrate Christmas on the island?), but nothing that will hurt your mind too much. I don't think, anyway. Not angst for once! And this is by far my longest one yet, longest thing I've written in awhile.

* * *

Good Night

Christmas was coming up, and the entire island was busy getting ready for the occasion. Lights were being hung on every building, gifts were being bought, and in every house a tree was being decorated.

Kazuki and Soushi's was no exception. They had only recently moved in together, having picked out a small house on the outskirts of town. It was a gift from Alvis, a meager reward for all of the hard work they had put in and sacrifices they had made for the good of humanity, they had been told. They said at first that it wasn't necessary, but everyone pointed out that since they had recently been saying they were thinking about moving in together anyway, wouldn't it be smart to just take this gift and do it now? Unable to argue with that logic, they accepted.

At Kazuki's insistence, they had put up a small Christmas tree. Soushi argued it was a useless hassle, and in exasperation Kazuki asked if he had ever even celebrated Christmas at home before. Said with a straight face, the answer was no, not since he was a small child. Kazuki thought about this a moment, thought about Soushi's stern father, before agreeing that that made sense.

"Well, this year we're having a tree. We have to make up for all the Christmases you missed in the past."

"...fine."

And so they went to the only pine tree farm on the island, kept running solely for the Christmas season and managed by an ex-New United Nations soldier. However reluctant he may have been before, once they got there Soushi certainly got into the spirit of things, speaking as if he were preparing a battle strategy against a Festum attack rather than picking out a Christmas tree. This display had made Kazuki smile fondly at him in amusement, standing silently beside him with his hands in the pockets of his warm jacket as Soushi finally proclaimed a tree worthy of their home.

Decorating it was another matter all together, and Kazuki had to teach Soushi a little thing called 'abstract' ("The ornaments don't need to be lined up, organized, or in any kind of pattern!").

After the tree were lights for the house. Kazuki's father had given him some of their old ones, saying that they had way more than he needed. Borrowing a tall ladder from Maya's family, Kazuki leaned it against the side of the one-story house and scrambled nimbly up without fear, carrying a string of lights with him. Soushi stayed below and held the ladder still, looking up at him the entire time and calling out every once in awhile to be careful, that it was dangerous, and that he'd rather have Kazuki safe on the ground than have lights on the house anyway, so to come down if he was having trouble. Eventually, Kazuki looked back down at him ("Don't look down!" Soushi shouted as he did so) and told him to shut up already, he would be fine. After Festums, what was hanging a little string of lights? Besides, he knew he wouldn't get hurt with Soushi there to catch him.

Soushi shut up.

Finally, the lights were all hung and sparkling in the night, and all that was left to do in preparation for the holiday only a few days away was to wrap presents. They had been shopping for them the past couple weeks, going together although Kazuki was the one who ended up picking most of them out. Though he did want to give them all gifts, Soushi didn't know the others well enough to know what would be good for them, and relied on Kazuki's knowledge instead.

He did however pick one of the gifts himself. Even more surprising was who it was for.

The two of them were walking home together one evening, holding hands and enjoying the peace and quiet as they watched the sun set behind the mountains in the distance before them. Lost in his thoughts, Kazuki didn't notice that Soushi had come to a stop until his hand was pulled back abruptly and he turned to see what Soushi was doing.

He was standing in front of a store's window display, face expressionless as he stared silently inside. "Soushi?" Kazuki asked, wondering what was wrong and moving to peer around him. Behind the glass was a display of rock climbing equipment, very professional and expensive looking. "What is it?" he asked, not understanding why such a thing would have caught his lover's attention.

"Toomi likes rock climbing."

Kazuki blinked. "Yes." He looked back at the display again. "We still need to get her a gift. I haven't been able to think of anything good enough," he mused aloud, wanting Soushi to make the suggestion.

"What about this? We have the money. Would she like it?" Soushi asked, sounding almost worried, though only Kazuki would be capable of detecting that tiny trace in his voice.

"Yeah, I think she'd love it," Kazuki replied with a smile. "I'll make sure to tell her it was your idea."

Soushi turned away, "Don't do that." But Kazuki could tell he was pleased with himself for finding it.

However, despite his great insight with Maya's present, they both quickly discovered that he had no clue about actually wrapping anything. Kazuki had gotten out the wrapping paper and ribbons and bows, then set those in between them and a boxed gift in front of Soushi, taking another for himself. He quickly finished his own, picking it up and setting it aside before turning to see how Soushi was doing, only to find him sitting there holding a piece of wrapping paper in one hand and a piece of tape in the other, box untouched before him, staring down at it with a look of outmost concentration as he tried to figure out exactly how he was supposed to do this.

"Um...Soushi?" Kazuki asked cautiously. "Do you want some help?"

"No, I'll figure it out." He didn't look up from the box.

"Come on, let me show you how to do it." Kazuki reached out for the box, but Soushi grabbed his hand, dropping the piece of wrapping paper to the floor.

"Kazuki, I'll figure it out myself," Soushi said, looking at him now. It was cute how determined he looked, almost like a willful child.

Kazuki withdrew his hand, nodding. He knew how stubborn Soushi could get, and how he didn't like having to rely on others for anything, even instructions.

He looked away from Soushi and picked up another boxed present, one almost identical to the one sitting in front of his lover. Slowly, he began wrapping it, pretending not to notice that Soushi was discreetly watching him out of the corner of his eye and following his movements. Before long, both presents were wrapped and set aside, and both moved on to another, working side by side in comfortable unison as usual.

That night, as they lay in bed together trying to fall asleep, Kazuki suddenly leaned over and kissed Soushi gently on the lips. Turning his head to look over at him as Kazuki lay back down, Soushi asked, "What was that for?"

"I love you, and I'm proud of you. I just want you to know that, Soushi."

Silence reigned for a minute, before Soushi reached over and wrapped his arms around Kazuki, pulling him closer. "I do know. Just as you know I feel the same about you." Though it wasn't said as a question, Soushi gave him a look that seemed meant to check that he really _did_ know, so Kazuki merely nodded his head. "Good. Now, go to sleep already."

Soushi closed his grey eyes, but Kazuki kept his own brown ones open a little longer. Reaching a hand up, he gently brushed a few stray pieces of hair out of Soushi's face, whispering,

"Good night, and Merry Christmas."


	7. Dash

Title: Dash  
Author: Kay-chan15  
Pairing: SouKazu  
Fandom: Soukyuu no Fafner  
Theme: #9 dash  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of it. Why else would I be writing fanfics? I will own a copy of the first dvd come July, though!  
Notes/Warnings: Not much romance at all this time, except for maybe the last couple lines (but even those are only about as canon as the series. ... And we all know how that is). I'm sorry about that, and I promise the next one will have more romance (I already have it written, so this isn't just an empty promise that I may or may not fulfill). Slight spoilers for the end of episode 23 in the end of this fic. Set sometime before episiode 23, but other than that I have no clue where it goes in the timeline. Also...maybe kind of a bit weird, but I wanted to explore Kazuki's mind a bit, and endless fighting and war is bound to make any soldier a bit messed up.

* * *

Dash

Dash. Jump. Thrust. Stab.

Another Festum dead, another battle done.

"Good job, Kazuki. You can come back now."

The voice in his head, always there to back him up.

"Thanks, Soushi." He's not even out of breath.

The next day, the same thing again, just as it happened the day before the previous, and a few days before that one. Stab one through the head, one through the eye, one through the heart.

Occasionally he wonders if they feel any pain. Are Festums even able to feel pain? No one has ever talked to him about these things, and he doesn't know whom to ask. Would Soushi know? He seems to know everything else. And yet he doesn't want to ask him, is worried the questions will show some weakness in him that Soushi will disapprove of. And if there's one thing he doesn't want, it's Soushi's disapproval.

Battle becomes monotonous, and on the easier ones, the ones with only one or two Festums against the three or four Fafners, he finds his mind wandering. He doesn't need to focus as he listens to the shouts of the others, the alternating happiness and fear, doesn't need to focus as he kills. It's become second nature to him, and he knows the weaknesses of each type. Soushi has gone over them with him more times than he can count.

Instead, he notices how pretty the golden Festums look when the sun strikes them just right, how their purple and black attacks seem to sparkle right before disappearing.

Leap. Grab. Slice.

He wonders if it should be considered wrong to be killing these mysterious beings, just as it is considered wrong to kill humans. What and who decides if it is wrong to kill something or not?

Shoot. Catch. Kill.

"That's the last one, its over. No casualties this time either. Good job, Kazuki."

He smiles, letting the thoughts disappear to the back of his mind once again.

But that night as he lies in bed, wind coming in from the open window gently kissing his face and making his brown bangs sway, the next battle as he again protects his home by killing, he wonders.

It is only after the Festums kidnap Soushi that he decides he doesn't care.

He will kill them all. Every last one that opposes him.


	8. Silence

Title: Silence  
Pairing: SouKazu  
Fandom: Soukyuu no Fafner  
Theme: #11 gardenia  
Disclaimer: Don't own it. It's too perfect to come from my unworthy mind.  
Notes/Warnings: Was originally going to just be called 'Gardenia', but this story just feels so...quiet to me. So everytime I tried to name it Gardenia this title would just keep screaming out at me, so I finally gave in and went with it. More romance than the previous one in this one, as promised last time! SPOILERS for through episode 6, and part of it involves a scene in episode 7, so be careful. Reviews greatly appreciated, especially as I've been in a bit of a SouKazu slump lately...

* * *

Silence

Kazuki believed that bringing flowers when you visit a grave was the best thing to do. Whenever he visited his mother's grave, whether he was by himself or with his father, flowers accompanied the trip. His father always told him how his mother had loved flowers.

Hazama had loved flowers as well.

Therefore, when he and Soushi prepared to go up to her grave for the first time since the funeral on that cold, foggy day, he insisted they bring flowers along with them.

After a moment's pause, Soushi's first response was, "What kind?"

Kazuki merely stared at him for a moment, before abruptly recalling that Soushi had never been as close to Hazama as the rest of them were, and probably wouldn't know her favorite flower, the one they always brought her on birthdays or when she was especially sick and had to go to the hospital. It wouldn't be fair to say that Soushi didn't care, but...the truth of the matter was that he had never really tried to get close to or learn personal things about anyone other than Kazuki.

"Gardenias," he answered. "Hazama always loved gardenias."

They went to the usual flower store, though Soushi had never been there before. Around the island there were a few different stores, and this was actually one of the smallest ones, but it carried the most magnificent gardenias, and no one had ever bought them from anywhere else after discovering it.

Kazuki led them straight to the display of large white flowers, Soushi silently following him while discretely looking around at the same time. Reaching out to gently caress a bud, Kazuki momentarily wondered if it was appropriate to bring a white flower to a grave, but just as quickly pushed the thought away. Hazama had loved these flowers in life, and he knew that she would be just as pleased to get them in death. There was no 'right' or 'wrong'; it was what Hazama would have wanted.

He pulled Soushi closer and pointed out what to look for: nice, large pure white and fully bloomed flowers with healthy, green looking stems. Together they hand picked one after another, until they had a small bouquet.

Holding them in his hands, Kazuki smiled sadly down at the flowers. To have to bring flowers to a friend for this reason was something he had never even imagined having to do. If he had known this would happen, he would have bought Hazama flowers more often, just to make her happy. Instead, now all he could do was regret that he had forgotten this and that time. All he had left of the young girl were regrets and memories.

Soushi was looking at him concernedly by now, and so he pulled himself away from these dismal thoughts and sent a small smile the other boy's way instead. Answering the unasked question, he said, "Just thinking about some things, don't worry."

Understanding, Soushi merely nodded.

They walked through the store again now, picking up one or two random colorful flowers on the way to add to the bouquet; Hazama had loved gardenias, but she had also loved colors.

As they walked to the front of the store to pay, a stack of seed packages caught his eye. He wondered if Hazama's mother would appreciate a gift of gardenia seeds, or if it would just be an unnecessarily painful reminder of her loss. He wasn't sure which, and knew Soushi wouldn't know either, and so he decided that the risk wasn't worth it, at least for now while everyone was still walking on tightropes around each other and any mention of the girl. Maybe once the pain had healed slightly, he would give them to the woman; maybe by then they would be a sweet reminder rather than a bitter one. But for now, he would leave things be.

They paid for the flowers, Soushi pulling out money before Kazuki had a chance to even set the flowers down and handing it to the employee before he had a chance to protest. This was his way of helping, since he hadn't known what Hazama liked. It was the only thing he could think of to show that he cared, and so Kazuki let him have his way. He understood.

They left the store, the bell above the door tinkling as it shut behind them, and walked out into the cold, dark world. The sky was full of grey clouds, almost entirely blocking the sun from view, and it looked like it would start raining any moment now.

How appropriate, for the sky to cry on a day when the people beneath it wanted to as well.

That evening, they went back to Kazuki's house, once more empty handed. Kouyou had been angry, had blamed him for her death. The worst part of it all was that Kazuki couldn't disagree with him, blaming himself just as much.

Still, when Soushi had stepped between them, stopping the other boy from hitting Kazuki and risking taking the blow himself if Kouyou didn't pull back, he had felt happy inside. Happy that Soushi didn't blame him as well, that Soushi didn't want him hurt.

Back at Kazuki's house with his dad still out at the Alvis base, Kazuki pulled Soushi to him as soon as they stepped inside out of the rain, kissing him on the lips. It was a gentle kiss, a quick kiss, and he soon broke the contact, shifting to hug Soushi to him instead.

They were both silent the entire time, relishing in this moment of complete understanding between each other, something that at times felt beyond rare.

Peace, love, understanding, and each other. These were the things that both needed to survive.

And in this moment, each made a promise to themselves to do whatever it took to protect those precious things.


	9. Pain

Title: Pain  
Fandom: Soukyuu no Fafner  
Pairing: SouKazu  
Theme: #27 overflow  
Disclaimer: Don't own it.  
Notes/Warning: This fic is dedicated to and written for my very good friend bloodstain5. It doesn't have a kiss in it, because when I was originally writing it I wasn't caring about making it into a theme fic, I just wanted to write her something to make her feel better, and that she could connect to. A lot of inspiration from what we were talking about tonight went into this fic. And so when I decided I could and should use it as a theme fic as well, I didn't want to edit it more to somehow add a kiss in. I hope it's okay and everyone can understand. **SPOILERS** for through episode 16, takes place sometimes after that but probably before 20 or so...not really in a set timeline. It's just kind of...maybe a different look at Soushi.

* * *

Pain

He didn't cry when Hazama died, or when Kouyou was assimilated and put into a coma.

He often wonders if there's something wrong with him, if he is incapable of feeling the same kind of strong emotions as others. More than once he has wondered why he is this way, and if he maybe even needs to see a doctor for it. Or has he just been numbed from so many battles, from a shortened childhood and strict father, from so much pain that maybe he just won't _let_ himself feel it anymore?

He is only able to feel fleeting moments of happiness, sadness, anger. They only last as long as the battle, or as long as the person is around. When he loses a pilot, a friend, he feels sad, and he feels regret, but a week later, when others are still mourning and crying, he is already able to move on. He wonders if this makes him a horrible person.

The only one capable of bringing out his long term, strong emotions is Kazuki. When Kazuki left the island, he felt both anger and sadness the entire time, never letting up, even though he tried to ignore it and forget about the other boy and his now empty place in his life. Kazuki was the only one he ever cared about connecting with, ever cared about being understood by. He wanted Kazuki to be the one to realize that he could feel; that he wasn't an emotionless doll who couldn't care less about sending others into danger, even if he was still having trouble believing it himself. Maybe if Kazuki could realize and understand it, he could help convince Soushi as well.

Kazuki was the only one he ever cried for, when he came back and said he was able to understand now, understand his pain. Those were tears of relief, relief that he wasn't completely alone, that he at least had Kazuki there for him.

He recovered quickly then as well, but it was because he felt a new emotion blossoming in his heart, overflowing within him, one that gave him comfort and stability, and even the beginning of happiness, a true happiness, one that seemed like it could last a long time.

Hope.


	10. Stairway

**Title:** Stairway  
**Pairing:** SouKazu  
**Theme:** 22. cradle  
**Notes:** Um...I'm not entirely sure exactly _where_ this is supposed to be happening; I just needed a stairway, and them in their own house worked better. So, maybe in the same kind of universe as my Good Night fic, except...they added to their one story house? ; Oh well, not _super_ important...

* * *

Stairway

Kazuki opened the door of the small house and stepped inside. Looking down as he removed his shoes at the threshold, he called out, "Soushi, I'm back!"

There was no answer. Strange, considering Soushi usually always at least called out a response to him, if he was too busy or preoccupied to come greet him.

Walking further inside, Kazuki glanced around, wondering where he could be. Then he noticed something and his eyes grew wide. Soushi, lying sprawled out on the stairs that were to the side of the room, face down.

He rushed over to him, sitting down on the stairs and cradling him in his arms, turning him over and pulling him onto his lap as he did so, asking frantically, "Soushi! Are you okay!"

There was a moment of silence as he waited for a response, and then a soft groan emitted from the long haired man as his brow furrowed and eyes squeezed tightly shut, before finally opening. He blinked and looked around dazedly, before bringing his gaze back to focus on Kazuki. "...Kazuki?"

"Are you okay?" Kazuki asked again, trying to calm down and gentle his tone. "What happened?"

Soushi glanced around again, before answering distractedly, "I don't know. I was down here and then started going upstairs, and I remember leaning against the wall... I guess I fell asleep."

Kazuki sighed. "You fell asleep," he repeated in exasperation, though he did feel better after hearing that was all that had happened. He reached out and brushed a piece of hair out of Soushi's face. "You need to rest more."

Leaning into Kazuki's hand, Soushi answered with half closed eyes, "I'll be fine. Besides, I'd rather rest when you're there, too. Much more comfortable."

Leaning down to kiss him on the forehead, Kazuki replied, "Then let's go get some rest right now."


	11. Protector

**Title:** Protector  
**Fandom:** Soukyuu no Fafner  
**Pairing:** Soushi/Kazuki  
**Theme:** 1. look over here  
**Notes:** 'mamoru' means 'to protect'. There aren't really any spoilers in this, though there is a line at the very end taken from episode 22, not that that line even has spoilers...

* * *

Protector

"Hey Mamoru," Kenji called suddenly in a quiet yet urgent voice, beckoning him over frantically while still keeping his eyes locked on whatever he had found of interest around the edge of the wall surrounding the front of the school. "Look over here!"

Mamoru looked over at him from where he was using a broom to sweep the school yard. "What? You're supposed to be helping me clean, Kenji-kun," he complained, even as he leaned the broom up against the low brick wall and walked over to where Kenji was standing.

"Believe me, this is worth having to take a little longer to finish our classroom chores," Kenji assured him, wearing a wide grin as he continued to watch whatever it was that was so 'worth' it.

"What is--" Mamoru started asking as he reached Kenji and joined him in discretely peeping around the corner, only to suddenly trail off and have his little brown eyes widen as he took in the scene before them.

Soushi and Kazuki. Standing together. Standing very _close_ together.

They weren't standing together at all, they were _kissing_!

As Mamoru continued to stare, jaw slack and expression full of shock, Kenji whispered, "I can't believe this! Wait 'till I tell Sakura!" With that said, he turned and ran off back into the school before Mamoru had a chance to stop him.

Letting out an inaudible sigh, Mamoru turned his face back towards the two from where he had turned to watch Kenji go. It was already too late to stop Kenji from spreading it around, and plus, they never kept anything from Sakura.

Soushi and Kazuki had separated now, though they were still standing close together, talking about something in low voices, causing Mamoru to be unable to catch any of their words.

Then they turned away, beginning to walk off down the road together. Mamoru's gaze dropped slightly and he took note of their hands clasped together as they walked.

As the two disappeared from view, Mamoru relaxed a little, stepping back before turning around to sit on the ground with his back up against the wall. Soushi and Kazuki were together, probably in love. That was fine with him; he had no problem with anything so long as they were happy. He doubted anyone on the island would mind either, although Maya would be sad, though she'd no doubt try her best to hide it. He wasn't as dense as people tended to think he was, and her affections for Kazuki hadn't gone unnoticed.

Soushi and Kazuki were together, Maya was in love with Kazuki, and Sakura and Kenji were... Their growing feelings for each other hadn't gone unnoticed by him either, and he figured it was only a matter of time before they confronted each other about them.

And where did that leave him? The third wheel in a close friendship, the only one with no one to even think about.

Shutting his eyes, he recalled the image he had just been witness to, of Soushi and Kazuki looking into each other's eyes as they stood there, a look of happiness and peace on each face. Both of them constantly faced such hard times, all of his friends did, and yet if they could still find some joy...

And in that moment, he decided where it left him. He would be their protector, as his name testified, protecting the wishes of his friends and family, of everyone.

"_I won't let anyone be sad anymore. I will protect you all!"_


	12. Fence

**Title:** Fence  
**Fandom:** Soukyuu no Fafner  
**Pairing:** Soushi/Kazuki  
**Theme:** 25. fence  
**Notes:** This is supposed to be a follow up fic to the previous chapter Protector, though it could probably also stand on it's own. No spoilers. Hopefully the ending isn't too abrupt, and people get what I mean.

* * *

The day after Kenji and Mamoru spied on Soushi and Kazuki kissing near the front of the school, both they and Sakura confronted them. Kenji led the force with a happy, suspicious grin, Sakura by his side looking both exasperated and discretely curious, and Mamoru hanging back a little and looking apologetic.

"So," Kenji started by saying, walking over to where Kazuki was leaning forward against the sil of the open window, Soushi by his side. They were in their usual classroom, the sun already beginning to set outside and everyone gone but the five of them.

Kazuki looked over at him. "What is it, Kenji?"

Kenji just looked back and forth between him and Soushi with the huge grin still on his face. Soushi had looked over at him as well by now, and was watching him with a blank expression.

"You guys...don't have anything to tell us?" Sakura finally spoke up and asked, when it became apparent Kenji wasn't going to say anything even remotely intelligent.

They both just blinked at her.

"Is there something you want to know?" Soushi asked.

Sakura and Mamoru fidgeted, but Kenji exclaimed, "We saw you two yesterday! Together!"

The two of them looked at each other. "Oh," they said simutainously.

"Have you two been together long?" Sakura asked curiously, when they didn't appear upset or uncomfortable.

"Not exactly," Soushi answered.

"You two seemed really happy!" Mamoru told them brightly. "When we saw you outside, I mean."

They glanced at each other again, exchanging a small smile before looking back at the others. "We are," Kazuki answered.

Kenji clapped Kazuki on the shoulder, saying, "Well, if anyone can, you have the best chance of getting Soushi to stop acting like he has a fence up his--"

Sakura slapped a hand over his mouth to roughly cut him off, hissing in warning, "_Kenji!_"


	13. Shared Tastes

**Title:** Shared Tastes  
**Fandom:** Soukyuu no Fafner  
**Pairing:** SouKazu  
**Theme:** 14. radio-cassette player  
**Notes:** The new Geneon english Fafner site that was launched recently states in the character section that Soushi likes classical music. Instantly I remembered a fic request in a livejournal community, and combined with that bit of info, there was my instant inspiration. And then I remembered this theme, and was inspired even more.  
Timeline: Set sometime after episode 17 and before episode 23, but there aren't any spoilers.

* * *

Shared Tastes

Soushi had just sat down when a buzzing noise informed him that someone was at his door. With a sign, he stood again and walked over to open it, but immediately brightened upon seeing Kazuki there.

"Hi, Soushi. Can I come in?"

Soushi stood to the side to let him pass, and closed the door behind him before following him further inside. "Is there something I can do for you, Kazuki?"

Kazuki seemed nervous, he reflected, watching the other boy closely as he first paced a little and then stood in place awkwardly. Soushi gestured to the small sofa in the room for him to sit down on, and Kazuki quickly did so.

"Ah, no, not really. Just wanted to see how you were doing."

"I see." Silence fell in the room. Soushi had never been one to talk much, and Kazuki seemed nervous about something and thus was being quiet as well. Soushi wondered how he should ask what was wrong without being too blunt.

Instead, he walked over to the closet and pulled something out of it. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" he asked, taking it over and placing it carefully on the low table in front of the sofa.

Kazuki leaned forward, looking at the object quizzically, before shaking his head. "No. What is it?"

"A radio-cassette player." Kazuki glanced up at him and gave him a still puzzled look. Kneeling down in front of it, Soushi pressed a button and a compartment in front opened. He pulled something out of it, holding it up for Kazuki to see. "Look. This is called a tape, or cassette." He put it back in and pressed another button, and gentle sound suddenly filled the room.

Kazuki had sat back, surprised. "It plays music? But we have things like that. Why is this one so weird?"

"It's very old. Even back when the Festum first appeared it was very outdated. I found it by chance when I traveled after leaving the island the first time. It's amazing that it still works at all, as long as you put batteries into it."

Smiling, Kazuki reached forward to carefully run a hand over the top. "It's great."

Silence fell again for a moment. Suddenly, Kazuki asked, "This is...classical music, isn't it?"

Soushi coughed into his fist. "Yes. It just happened to be the tape in the player when I found it, but I like the music anyway."

Kazuki didn't answer for a minute, just listening to the music. Finally, he said, "I don't think it's that bad either." He smiled at Soushi.

His expression didn't much change, but Soushi was pleased to hear that Kazuki didn't despise his taste in music, and possibly even shared it. Changing the subject though, he finally asked, "Kazuki, is something wrong?" He was still kneeling beside the table and Kazuki, and watched the other boy's expression carefully.

Having looked back down at the tape player already, Kazuki looked at him again with a surprised expression and blinked. "What?"

"You seemed nervous when you first came here."

"Oh. That. Yeah, I was. But I'm calmer now."

"Did you need something?"

"Not exactly, but I wanted to do this." He suddenly leaned forward and gave Soushi a quick kiss on the lips, before leaning back again, cheeks tinted with color and not meeting his eyes.

Surprised, Soushi didn't say anything for a minute. Then he turned back to the tape player and said casually, "Oh, is that all?"

Kazuki's head snapped up to look at him again. He opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it, seeming to think of something. Then he smiled and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Soushi from behind. "Glad to hear we have this in common as well."


	14. 10 Reasons why I Love Kazuki

**Title:** 10 Reasons why I Love Kazuki  
**Pairing:** Soushi/Kazuki  
**Theme:** 10. #10  
**Notes:** 10 Reasons why Soushi Loves Kazuki. Wonderfully fluffy. I wanted to post this a _long_ time ago and it just kept getting pushed back... The list is kind of in increasing order of importance, but not completely...some things are just too hard to decide. Enjoy!

* * *

10 Reasons why I love Kazuki

10. I know him better than anyone. I've known him since we were children, and he was the first one to use Fafner. He is first and foremost, my best friend.

9. He doesn't want anyone to be hurt, even if it means him being hurt instead. I have never met a kinder person, though I have finally come to realize that many of the other people on the island are nice as well.

8. He loves me back. He chose me over everyone else, over people who had never caused him any sort of pain before. He is able to forgive me no matter what stupid thing I do, and even if we get in a fight I know we can make up again, somehow. Every time he says those three words, my heart skips a beat and despite all my worries about everything, this, _us_, I feel happy. "I love you."

7. He keeps his promises. He said he would wait for me, and he did for an entire year, and would have waited even longer if that was what it took. I know I can trust him without fear of being hurt, that he will never betray me. I didn't always know this, which is why I lost hope when he left the island that first time, but now it is just one of the many truths I associate with Kazuki. It is a characteristic.

6. We seem to fit together just right. He was inexperienced in battle and war, and I...am inexperienced at life and everyday normal activities. Our strengths and weaknesses seem to compliment each other perfectly. I once taught him how to kill; now he teaches me how to live.

5. His body. The comforting warmth when he hugs me, his brilliant smile that always makes things seem so much better, the way I feel when we hold hands. He was my first kiss, and even now, after having shared tens of hundreds of thousands of them, I still melt every bit as much each time.

4. The little things. Like the way he brought me soup when I got sick that one time, and the fact that he can make me smile. The small activities we do together, like racing on the beach or sitting in comfortable silence and reading. The fact that I can just be myself and _live_ when I'm with him.

3. His strength. He's always been the strongest in Fafner, but it's more than that. It's his willpower; how if he puts his mind to it, it sometimes seems he can do just about anything. He wanted to protect the island; he did so. He wanted to rescue those NUN pilots; he did it against everyone's orders not to. He decided to wait until I came back, and he was able to do so. Even his enemies can sense his strength, both Festum and human. He has strength, and the courage to back it up. He's not afraid to do anything if it will help others.

2. I can count on him. Whether it's counting on his strength, his comfort, his trust, or just _everything_, him in general, I know I can count on him to be there. There isn't any question; sometimes I don't even have to tell him I need him before he's already there and waiting. It's almost like we're of one mind, sometimes; one soul. What I always wanted to be with him.

1. He understands me.


End file.
